SPARE THE BELT
Time was when children were belted on their bottoms ,whipped on their palms,thwacked on their faces .You’ve probably been a victim yourself. And perhaps you say ,”I have been hit and I am fine. And plenty of people who have been unscathed in their youth are also fine. Yet confronted by a tantrum or bad behaviour you may rise your hand to smack your child. Contemporary thinking frowns on hitting for many reasons.
WHY NOT TO HIT?
It doesn’t make them good You have seen children have slapped and spanked who remain badly behaved just like chronic criminals who incarcerated for years in jail.only to come back and perform another heinous crime. After being spanked a child burst with feelings of revenge which does not provoke attentive behaviour . It is far better to think and dole out a consequence which will help the child to learn an alternative behaviour.
It makes them mad -children who have been whipped in to submission may seem complaint on the surface ,but are seething inside.Bobby’s anger manifest it self by beating up the neighbour’s dog when his parents aren’t looking. Binnie agonises that she is unloved. Beaten children become insensitive and distrustful, even in later years.
uIt can make you lose control-And that’s not pretty. A tap on a toddler’s hand,became a slap on your preschooler’s arm, becomes blows on a tweenie’s entire body.You are provoked ,you say ,and feel helpless to rein in your hands.
So he in turn becomes a bully and uses fisticuffs on everybody else-domestics,classmates,even self same small sister behind your back.As well as his own kids when he has them.
It could cause bad feelings in both members. Girl,who was slapped regularly ,feels so worthless and deserving of the slap ,that she grows in to a wife who is regularly beaten.
It could bring back bad memories. When your child is all grown up ,will she /he remember how you taught her cycling ,and made her the best charts for school,or will she fixate on the times you used a ruler on her hands for losing her trainers,for getting willfully wet in the rain,for whining at meal times.And that you will remember the piteous wails and tear-stained face forever and always. It sends wrong messages. The child can think that – hitting people is a way of getting what you want.
- grown-ups can be pushed over the edge into aggression .
-a cold blooded thrashing means a cold –blooded thought process.
“If you’re going to smack your child a lot he may not turn in to a delinquent,but you’re going to damage him emotionally .If you’re hardly going to smack your child ,why do it at all? If you start smacking your child ,when will you stop?.If your child needs a good smack now and again,he’s definitely the kind that never should be smacked”.
Every child needs to know that parents have their own rights,know how to be firm,wont let them be rude or unreasonable.They like you better this way because they realise their limits.Clear bounderies keep them firmly on track.
Be consistent,too with rules and guidelines.once you have made the rule,stay with it unless you’re going to change it forever ,not every month.Repeat it several times to register the message in a small child.
Don’t make hollow threats which are silly and destroy authority.
Present a joint front Don’t contradict your spouse to be popular with the child or to determine the other.What ever one of you says ,the other must agree if asked to arbitrate, or your child will end up becoming manipulative.
Punish sensibly The best test is whatever it has accomplished what you are after,without having serious affects.If it makes the child furious defiant or worse behaved ,it lacks fire.if it seems to break the child’s heart it is too strong.
Consider punishment as a way to teach sharing ,patience,co-operation,caution.
Don’t encourage rebellion.
Praise when they saty in line.
Sweeten the stick.
Accept apologies.
B.H.M.S,M.S
HOMOEOPATH & CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST
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